Some Ruminations on Motherhood

This year I am celebrating my eighth year as a Mother. Eight years of motherhood began in a darkened hospital room, amid a fair amount of pain and confusion, uncertainty and eventual elation. Or maybe I should say that motherhood began nine months before that, when I first became aware there was a tiny life inside me. I've never regretted the decision to become a mother to my three (soon to be four) children. In fact, it's all I've ever really wanted to do.

I know some people struggle with the newborn phase, and are exhausted immediately following birth. I am not one of them. After every delivery I feel a certain elation that I've learned to associate with the birth of my children, and the opportunity to hold that rare and precious infant, to call it mine, is something I treasure among my most valued memories.

Newborns are my favorite.

That's not to say that I don't suffer through the same exhaustion, pain, soreness, and frustrations as every other mom out there; it's just that I find a special solemnity in the new spirit who's arrived in my home, an innocence and purity that goes beyond their soft skin and sweet smell. With each new infant, I feel renewed in a way I can't describe, a feeling of absolute love and trust enveloping me when I hold that tiny bundle.

This particular Mother's Day feels especially profound to me. I'm within a few short weeks of delivering what will be (as far as we know, anyway) our last child. It will be the last time I feel the peculiar wiggles, stretches and kicks inside me, the last time I watch my belly expand beyond what logic might dictate. And the last time I hold a newborn that is in fact MINE. It's never quite the same to hold another persons child, after all.

I've tried to savor the ups and downs of this last pregnancy, not wishing it away too quickly, paying attention to every little movement. I've come to think of it as how he communicates; that it's his way of saying hello. Even now, with so short a time left, I'm not overly eager for it to end. Teag most likely is, I'm sure this past nine months has been no picnic for him. But they grow so fast once they're out, the changes are constant and rapid, and while I enjoy every new stage, it's those first few years that disappear in the blink of an eye.

That is one thing I've had to learn to recognize; the joys of every stage. My kids are far enough apart that I can see the differences clearly illustrated, and anticipate what is to come. As they grow, and I get more and more unsure that I'm doing the right things for them, I think back to those first few months of life, when I was privileged to glimpse their spirit and witness the truly miraculous awakening of a soul to this earthly life.

I often find myself saying to Teag, "Does it ever shock you that these are OUR kids?" as so often I feel like one myself. But I am so very grateful that they are, and know that I am incredibly blessed to have these children in my life. They have elevated my existence to levels I couldn't possibly have understood when I was younger.

Motherhood, one of those rare, but so very precious gifts that never stops blessing you.